Wednesday, March 14, 2012
14/03(2)/12
A month ago, I did a foolish move on my part, I lost a friend, It seemed like I lost everything cos it was no ordinary person. Extraordinary indeed. At that moment it did seem like a regretful decision, choice. Maybe it it still is. Maybe if I had left it as it were, nothing would have happened and things today would still be like how it was in the past. Maybe not.
In every guy's life there comes a point in time when they confess to somebody they like. Perhaps this was my first actual direct one, and the results were disasterous. It seemed like I was friendzoned, or rather "friendzoned". We stopped talking, everything stopped. As if we never spoke to each other, EVER.
All in all, what I've done, I do not regret. I felt courage, I saw the figthing spirit within. I got my answer, and I've learnt lessons. Lessons in life, I learnt to be stronger, life transforming indeed.
On a side note, I won't deny that apart of me still holds on to this glimmer of hope, afterall it's been a while, and although we have had a perculiar relationship which I know that I've been lied upon and taken for granted at times, it was an undeniable fact that we were pretty close. All these aside, I have questions for you to answer. Well, somethings are better left unanswered right?
Since I highly doubt we'll ever speak again I'll like to thank you here, perhaps one day you'll see it, perhaps not.
Thank you for giving me lessons to learn, painful lessons but lessons nonetheless. You have no idea, the hurt you've caused from the number of times you canceled our appointments, especially the first time when I was all ready to leave the house. All the effort I had put in into all your presents, how i made a trip to ION just to get a box of Royce chocolate, to awfully chocolate just to get a chocolate cupcake for you, the two complimentary flyer tickets which I saved for this day and my handmade "Cheer you up" teeshirt keychains cos I thought it would make you laugh when you see it. But you didn't seem to appreciate all these, instead you canceled on me every single time, there was once I waited a good 4 hours for you and when you canceled on me I wanted to go to your workplace to find you, but you didn't let me cos you had to work over time. I said "it's okay" every single time cos I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but you know what? It was not okay, never was, I'd rather feel the pain alone then to make you feel the pain of guilt as well. But I never saw any effort in any make up dates, you didn't want to see me, never.
It also hurt whenever I saw you active on twitter but failed to reply my text messages. I guess sometimes sending tweets are more important than me. It may seem like a small matter and you're not obliged to reply me, but it fucking hurts cos it feels like I'm not important and you can take me for granted. But I still continued talking to you, putting effort into my replies. It didn't seem like it was going anywhere though, you didn't want to meet me, it was like playing ball, I threw the ball and you threw it back when you felt like it.
I coudn't live like that, so I decided to write you the confession letter to get an answer. I did get an answer, you told me that you already knew about this and wanted to continue to be friends, but we never spoke ever since. Why did you say that if you were not going to talk to me again?
You know, it's sadenning to type out this blogpost and that shows how much you meant to me. As of now, I have forgiven you again. Afterall, I have forgiven you a countless number of times. I believe most people would not have tolerated what you put me through as it will definetely be more beneficial to just lose an SMS buddy than to go through all this shit you put me through. But I held on.
Don't live in the past, live for the future.
In every guy's life there comes a point in time when they confess to somebody they like. Perhaps this was my first actual direct one, and the results were disasterous. It seemed like I was friendzoned, or rather "friendzoned". We stopped talking, everything stopped. As if we never spoke to each other, EVER.
All in all, what I've done, I do not regret. I felt courage, I saw the figthing spirit within. I got my answer, and I've learnt lessons. Lessons in life, I learnt to be stronger, life transforming indeed.
On a side note, I won't deny that apart of me still holds on to this glimmer of hope, afterall it's been a while, and although we have had a perculiar relationship which I know that I've been lied upon and taken for granted at times, it was an undeniable fact that we were pretty close. All these aside, I have questions for you to answer. Well, somethings are better left unanswered right?
Since I highly doubt we'll ever speak again I'll like to thank you here, perhaps one day you'll see it, perhaps not.
Thank you for giving me lessons to learn, painful lessons but lessons nonetheless. You have no idea, the hurt you've caused from the number of times you canceled our appointments, especially the first time when I was all ready to leave the house. All the effort I had put in into all your presents, how i made a trip to ION just to get a box of Royce chocolate, to awfully chocolate just to get a chocolate cupcake for you, the two complimentary flyer tickets which I saved for this day and my handmade "Cheer you up" teeshirt keychains cos I thought it would make you laugh when you see it. But you didn't seem to appreciate all these, instead you canceled on me every single time, there was once I waited a good 4 hours for you and when you canceled on me I wanted to go to your workplace to find you, but you didn't let me cos you had to work over time. I said "it's okay" every single time cos I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but you know what? It was not okay, never was, I'd rather feel the pain alone then to make you feel the pain of guilt as well. But I never saw any effort in any make up dates, you didn't want to see me, never.
It also hurt whenever I saw you active on twitter but failed to reply my text messages. I guess sometimes sending tweets are more important than me. It may seem like a small matter and you're not obliged to reply me, but it fucking hurts cos it feels like I'm not important and you can take me for granted. But I still continued talking to you, putting effort into my replies. It didn't seem like it was going anywhere though, you didn't want to meet me, it was like playing ball, I threw the ball and you threw it back when you felt like it.
I coudn't live like that, so I decided to write you the confession letter to get an answer. I did get an answer, you told me that you already knew about this and wanted to continue to be friends, but we never spoke ever since. Why did you say that if you were not going to talk to me again?
You know, it's sadenning to type out this blogpost and that shows how much you meant to me. As of now, I have forgiven you again. Afterall, I have forgiven you a countless number of times. I believe most people would not have tolerated what you put me through as it will definetely be more beneficial to just lose an SMS buddy than to go through all this shit you put me through. But I held on.
Don't live in the past, live for the future.
i know that i have loved you ... at 8:43 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Nothing, but fear.
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:08 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Once again, I'm at the entrance of the gambling house. Many times, I have shyed away from this game of risk. If I were to stay and play this game this time, the rewards must be pretty darn high, cos the pain of loss would have failed to cripple my actions.
I always dream of entering this game and how everything would be if I dared to lay down my cards. But there is a fine line between fantasy and reality, which i fail to distinguish. Perhaps its time, the time is now, time for fantasy to become reality. True, there's a chance of losing, but you told me that you will never know if you never try.
Ignorance, renounce in you I shall, time and again you hurt me, reduce me, weaken me. No longer shall I spy, as such discoveries have proven to only tear me down, discourage me, stop me from entering this gamble.
The say the bigger the risk, the bigger the prize, at times like this, the risk intimidates in an awkward way, for this situation is far from ordinary.
I always dream of entering this game and how everything would be if I dared to lay down my cards. But there is a fine line between fantasy and reality, which i fail to distinguish. Perhaps its time, the time is now, time for fantasy to become reality. True, there's a chance of losing, but you told me that you will never know if you never try.
Ignorance, renounce in you I shall, time and again you hurt me, reduce me, weaken me. No longer shall I spy, as such discoveries have proven to only tear me down, discourage me, stop me from entering this gamble.
The say the bigger the risk, the bigger the prize, at times like this, the risk intimidates in an awkward way, for this situation is far from ordinary.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:08 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, January 13, 2012
Is it worth? To suffer so much, suffer in silence, suffer in pain, taking such a huge gamble, to win all or lose everything. Against all odds, advocated by clear evidence of ignorance, or is it?
Break me, destroy me, kill me.
Break me, destroy me, kill me.
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:53 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, November 24, 2011
19 birthday, 241111
19 years, they say when your age hits the 9 it marks the end of a chapter of your life.
For the next year the first number of your age will change. This shall be my last years of my teenage dream, entering the adulthood of this world, 20s. Faced with newer and much tougher challenges. This, being the final year of my teens, I should treasure it, for once its gone, it will never come back.
Looking back at the previous year, as an 18 year old, I recall my last birthday during the A level period. It was also, during that period when I was struggling to overcome the pains of rejection. Ever since, I have grown stronger, emotionally. It was an experience which I could take back lessons to learn from. Nothing in life happens for nothing, there is always a reason and learning to deal with it, through thorough reflection and God's guide. There will always be something to take away. Every experience, a stepping stone.
Indeed, there have been many milestones ever since 241110. First, it is the enlistment into the army. Enlisting into the army, something every Singaporean's son has to go through in some part of his life. Stepping away from my comfort zone, into the regimental organisation which emphasizes discipline. It was tough, initially, adapting to the military. Just when I was getting started, a misfortune came and I injured myself pretty bad, which I have to go for an operation for. I got posted out as a clerk in my new unit. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguises,that I injured myself. Where I am right now, no staying in, working like an office job. Doesn't feel like army at all, I like to call it "internship in army uniform" Where I am today, I believe God has a purpose for everything. Secondly, my insane size transforming. Up to today, I have lost a total net weight of 20kg from my maximum ever weight of 85 from today, 65. All the commitment has paid off, preBMT and even postBMT. Having the determination to change. Thank God for giving me this perseverance to press on. Hope I'll never touch my XL Clothes ever again, heh! xD Thirdly, is being able to get into the course in university of my choice. Applying for all 3 unis and being accepted into the one which I least expected. It was a surprise. SMU Accountancy, the interview which I screwed up so bad accepted me. Accepting this course, I have set my life for at least the next 10 years of my life, perhaps. Although at the moment I am still unsure of what I want for the future, what I want to do, what I want to be. Taking this step of faith into accountancy, may God's purpose be revealed. Fourthly, are values. Values are principles in your life you hold true to yourself. I have picked up many principles, perhaps through this process "maturity" in the past year. What is living? To treasure and appreciate, to give and to help. Treasure what you have, appreciate others, giving happiness to others, helping others in times of need. Only doing such, are you really living, really breathing. In life, identify those are true to you and those who aren't. As a rough guide, family members are usually true to you and only a small proportion of friends are. These people, are those who will stand by you when everything is breaking apart, through thin, through your flaws, through your darkest moments in your life. God put these people into your life, thank Him for that. It is only when you are bombarded and broken apart by setbacks, will you see who those true to you really are. These are the people, the ones who will walk this journey of life with you, till the day you part your frail mortal body.
Happy Birthday Samuel, no matter what stands before you, trust God and never never never give up.
For the next year the first number of your age will change. This shall be my last years of my teenage dream, entering the adulthood of this world, 20s. Faced with newer and much tougher challenges. This, being the final year of my teens, I should treasure it, for once its gone, it will never come back.
Looking back at the previous year, as an 18 year old, I recall my last birthday during the A level period. It was also, during that period when I was struggling to overcome the pains of rejection. Ever since, I have grown stronger, emotionally. It was an experience which I could take back lessons to learn from. Nothing in life happens for nothing, there is always a reason and learning to deal with it, through thorough reflection and God's guide. There will always be something to take away. Every experience, a stepping stone.
Indeed, there have been many milestones ever since 241110. First, it is the enlistment into the army. Enlisting into the army, something every Singaporean's son has to go through in some part of his life. Stepping away from my comfort zone, into the regimental organisation which emphasizes discipline. It was tough, initially, adapting to the military. Just when I was getting started, a misfortune came and I injured myself pretty bad, which I have to go for an operation for. I got posted out as a clerk in my new unit. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguises,that I injured myself. Where I am right now, no staying in, working like an office job. Doesn't feel like army at all, I like to call it "internship in army uniform" Where I am today, I believe God has a purpose for everything. Secondly, my insane size transforming. Up to today, I have lost a total net weight of 20kg from my maximum ever weight of 85 from today, 65. All the commitment has paid off, preBMT and even postBMT. Having the determination to change. Thank God for giving me this perseverance to press on. Hope I'll never touch my XL Clothes ever again, heh! xD Thirdly, is being able to get into the course in university of my choice. Applying for all 3 unis and being accepted into the one which I least expected. It was a surprise. SMU Accountancy, the interview which I screwed up so bad accepted me. Accepting this course, I have set my life for at least the next 10 years of my life, perhaps. Although at the moment I am still unsure of what I want for the future, what I want to do, what I want to be. Taking this step of faith into accountancy, may God's purpose be revealed. Fourthly, are values. Values are principles in your life you hold true to yourself. I have picked up many principles, perhaps through this process "maturity" in the past year. What is living? To treasure and appreciate, to give and to help. Treasure what you have, appreciate others, giving happiness to others, helping others in times of need. Only doing such, are you really living, really breathing. In life, identify those are true to you and those who aren't. As a rough guide, family members are usually true to you and only a small proportion of friends are. These people, are those who will stand by you when everything is breaking apart, through thin, through your flaws, through your darkest moments in your life. God put these people into your life, thank Him for that. It is only when you are bombarded and broken apart by setbacks, will you see who those true to you really are. These are the people, the ones who will walk this journey of life with you, till the day you part your frail mortal body.
Happy Birthday Samuel, no matter what stands before you, trust God and never never never give up.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:01 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Appreciate
Never take others for granted, people have a choice if they want to be nice or mean to you. Appreciate, appreciate.
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:02 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Never ignore a person that loves you, cares for you and misses you. Because one day you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting stars. So true.
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:40 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
161011
Mmm, this blog has been dead for ages. No readers, no posts, it's a dead graveyard here. Samuel and his dead graveyard, the beauty of how posts go unheard. Reading back at my last post on 11 march 2011, I was an army boy yet, a doing REAL ARMY stuff. Carrying my rifle, my field pack, wearing camou cream. I remember those times, those horrid times, those good times. When black could become white, and white become black. Friends who became foes and foes who became friends. It was a play, acting, a stage. Thank God it is all over, that happened when my shoulder poped, resulting in the need of a surgery coming February. Work is good, I've learnt alot from this office job as a clerk, how the office works, the politics, being office smart, perhaps its a blessing, or maybe a curse. Its true, I'm living a slack army life, I book out everyday, I sit in the aircon room. While others toil in the field, digging shellscraps and marching with their helmet on, under the scorching sun. Cursed, with no story to tell. What was army for me? I didn't hold guns, i sat in an office. That isn't a good story to tell, but everything happens for a reason, God is in control.
Hardened heart, breaking heart. Waited for no one, waiting for some one. Freedom turned into slavery, of this deadly disease, love or rather - just wanting someone to be there. This is a cruel world, nobody can survive alone, not even the richest man in the world, not even the smartest man, and definitely not me. This had become a thing of the past, almost vanishing, purging out of my mind. Things happen, people change. Why am I doing what I am doing? I don't know. Some things just cant be explained, not in words, not in pictures. That's how stuff work don't they. Everyday people are finding new ways to explain things, but somethings still remain a mystery, an attribute God has put in to the universe. I'm having mixed feelings right now, I've no idea why I have a need to post a new post in my blog. Something just doesn't feel right and there's this need to shout out the overwhelming thoughts and feelings inside. Prayer, something I know is what we need. Without prayer, we'll feel empty, hopeless. Maybe thats the cause of my misery, these days I only pray in church, I'm officially a Sunday-only Christian. Maybe I shall start praying soon, on a daily basis, learning to trust God more. Perhaps God wants me to go back to him and learn to trust him again, so he's making me going through this avenue in my life. Maybe this is how God wants to speak to me today, through typing a blog post. Amazing how all these thoughts fly through my mind, I'm just typing out whatever comes to my head. Dear God, teach me to trust you all over again, only you know my heart's desire. Guide me, carry me, hold me in your arms. Cos without you, I am nothing. In your time.
Living a life, filled with hidden mysteries. Hidden from the world, hidden from you. Pain, suffering and misery. Things that people do not see, behind that joyful face. Behind closed doors, hidden away from the world, Just between the four walls and me, thoughts run wild and the heart bleeds. Nobody knows, nobody knows.
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:34 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, March 11, 2011
HI PEOPLE I'm alive! I've been in army for 3 weeks, 16 weeks to go! How do i feel about army? Army isn't that bad. Well, maybe cos its the first 3 weeks. But still, marching and all. It's becoming a norm. Although at times, i really miss the times as a civilian when i could do anything i want at any point of time. Army is about discipline. Sounds really cliche huh. It's an SAF core value. The reason for all the punishments which includes jumping jacks and push ups. Looking at it optimistically, the punishments are really great strength training sessions, hehe. I feel my muscles expanding over the weeks, for real! Ironically, i've been watching my diet in army despite the heavy training. I eat no rice for dinner and lesser rice for lunch. The ultimate goal to look good. HAHAHAH, narcist much.
Anyway, i got my rifle this week. Had a turnover in the morning when i was asleep. Although it was somewhat expected. Anyway, falling in at the parade square with other companies felt really good. I mean, you feel, like *ahem* a sense of pride for your country. LOL! I can't believe that just came from me but yeah. Honestly, i enjoyed that more than receiving my rifle. My stupid rifle, i hate it. So many things to do for it. It's a burden.It really is. Yes it protects me, but not for now! No bullet, protect what! LOL!
Moving on to my A level results. I really thank God for giving me good results. I didn't expect myself to do that well either. God is good. I got 83.25 points for A levels. Math A Econs A Chem B Physics C Gp C PW A CLB Pass. I honestly was expecting BBC or something cos i knew despite my hard work, i couldn't match up against those people from raffles and all. Like, come on. I got 20 points for O levels. Yeah, i didn't study. But i'm from YJ. I got "Advanced" in J1. And i didn't offer A math during O levels. I must say, I really outdid myself. All glory to God for helping me to stay focused and not give up. There were times when it all seemed so hard. But God gave me strength to press on and the verse that really pushed me was the verse i always saw in acsbr. Philipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" This verse really helped pushed me over my limits. Facing the giants indeed. Next giant to face is NS and den university life. And one thing i will always remember is my future is in His hands. I hope this is inspiring and always remember, that everything happens for a reason and everything will be alright in the end just remember to have faith that your future is secured.
Anyway, i got my rifle this week. Had a turnover in the morning when i was asleep. Although it was somewhat expected. Anyway, falling in at the parade square with other companies felt really good. I mean, you feel, like *ahem* a sense of pride for your country. LOL! I can't believe that just came from me but yeah. Honestly, i enjoyed that more than receiving my rifle. My stupid rifle, i hate it. So many things to do for it. It's a burden.It really is. Yes it protects me, but not for now! No bullet, protect what! LOL!
Moving on to my A level results. I really thank God for giving me good results. I didn't expect myself to do that well either. God is good. I got 83.25 points for A levels. Math A Econs A Chem B Physics C Gp C PW A CLB Pass. I honestly was expecting BBC or something cos i knew despite my hard work, i couldn't match up against those people from raffles and all. Like, come on. I got 20 points for O levels. Yeah, i didn't study. But i'm from YJ. I got "Advanced" in J1. And i didn't offer A math during O levels. I must say, I really outdid myself. All glory to God for helping me to stay focused and not give up. There were times when it all seemed so hard. But God gave me strength to press on and the verse that really pushed me was the verse i always saw in acsbr. Philipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" This verse really helped pushed me over my limits. Facing the giants indeed. Next giant to face is NS and den university life. And one thing i will always remember is my future is in His hands. I hope this is inspiring and always remember, that everything happens for a reason and everything will be alright in the end just remember to have faith that your future is secured.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:47 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Fear, a feeling Everyone experiences at different moments in their lives. As a child, you fear what will your parents do when you do something wrong, as a student, you fear failing examinations and as a working adult, you fear the security of your family.
What am I fearing now? The numbered days to enlistment? The thoughts of doing badly for As? True, these are things which people are afraid of. Fear comes in many degrees. Some maybe even affecting one psychologically. Fear has crippled many before, lords, kings and even nobodies like me. There is a common fear in all. Death. Every living mortal fears death. Many would rather forgo their treasures in order to preserve their lives. There is something in this world however, more powerful then death itself. This really ties in with valentines day but yes, love conquers death. Recall the last scene in titanic where Leonardo de caprio sacrifices himself to preserve the life of his love. Love is powerful, yet it is like a double edged sword. Love can also harm. Love hurts, what a cliche. Regardless, the saying is dam true. It hurts, it really does. Since love is powerful enough to conquer death, looking at it at another point of view, the pain love gives sometimes overpowers death. There have been instances where rejection has led to self injury and even suicide. So why play with This dangerous thing called love? Well, people need love. Being loved, an immense feeling which is simply out of this world. The feeling of security, joy, hope all combined as one. That Is love. When you love somebody, you are willing to go all out for that person. Parents who work hard, handling stressful deadlines and jobs just to ensure their child leads a happy life. Lovers who patch up after quarrels, that is love.
Sometimes for me, fear and love comes in a package. Loving somebody and fearing rejection, loving somebody and fearing the loss of a friendship, loving somebody and fearing that person gets taken. Maybe love may be too strong a word to use. Well, if it starts affecting your thought life, It's gotta be love. When you like somebody, it's a completely different thing. Yes, that person is hot and all. But that's only the first impression and liking Someone is short lived. Love lasts, unlike liking someone where appearances plays a role, Love involves character, sincerity and sometimes even emotions. When there is love, genuine love, nothing and I mean nothing can tear apart the relationship. Be it Between lovers, parents and their kids and even siblings.
What am I fearing now? The numbered days to enlistment? The thoughts of doing badly for As? True, these are things which people are afraid of. Fear comes in many degrees. Some maybe even affecting one psychologically. Fear has crippled many before, lords, kings and even nobodies like me. There is a common fear in all. Death. Every living mortal fears death. Many would rather forgo their treasures in order to preserve their lives. There is something in this world however, more powerful then death itself. This really ties in with valentines day but yes, love conquers death. Recall the last scene in titanic where Leonardo de caprio sacrifices himself to preserve the life of his love. Love is powerful, yet it is like a double edged sword. Love can also harm. Love hurts, what a cliche. Regardless, the saying is dam true. It hurts, it really does. Since love is powerful enough to conquer death, looking at it at another point of view, the pain love gives sometimes overpowers death. There have been instances where rejection has led to self injury and even suicide. So why play with This dangerous thing called love? Well, people need love. Being loved, an immense feeling which is simply out of this world. The feeling of security, joy, hope all combined as one. That Is love. When you love somebody, you are willing to go all out for that person. Parents who work hard, handling stressful deadlines and jobs just to ensure their child leads a happy life. Lovers who patch up after quarrels, that is love.
Sometimes for me, fear and love comes in a package. Loving somebody and fearing rejection, loving somebody and fearing the loss of a friendship, loving somebody and fearing that person gets taken. Maybe love may be too strong a word to use. Well, if it starts affecting your thought life, It's gotta be love. When you like somebody, it's a completely different thing. Yes, that person is hot and all. But that's only the first impression and liking Someone is short lived. Love lasts, unlike liking someone where appearances plays a role, Love involves character, sincerity and sometimes even emotions. When there is love, genuine love, nothing and I mean nothing can tear apart the relationship. Be it Between lovers, parents and their kids and even siblings.
i know that i have loved you ... at 3:48 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Is it better to hope or to forget? The flame carries on burning deeply, filled with desire and life. Frail attempts made to purge away such feelings, drowning oneself in other joys of life. But when evening fades and darkness reigns, the journey to beauty sleep makes one ponder and reflect, about one's life and everything starts to fade, and one cannot run from the truth anymore. Ocassionally, the truth bugs you in your sleep, turning dreams into nightmares and nightmares into dreams.
A fresh new day, and the cycle continues.
A fresh new day, and the cycle continues.
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:57 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, November 12, 2010
It's the end of the first week of A levels. I think I've been doing well for the past few papers. Well with respect to my standard that is. Prayer really helps. Without God's help, I definitely wouldnt have been able to manage my papers well. With 2 more weeks to the end of this phase of my life and my 18th! This chapter of my life has been a life changing one indeed. I feel that what I am now is much different from what I was back then. Simple things like better communication skills to larger things like mindset and confidence. Especially so when I was preparing for my As. That few months of preparation was like a rapid mind maturing period. What I Want to take from this chapter to the next moment of my life are the lessons learnt, the experiences(bitter or sweet) and the memories. It has been a bumpy road, with many instances of undesirable set backs. Moments of joy, sorrow and even anger. But ultimately, I managed to pick myself up when I fell and kept on going on with life. I admit there were periods when I felt like throwing in the towel, days of misery and regrets. But these are all but just different portions which make up this 2 years. Happy moments too, from studies to friends and even heartstopper moments. As I enter the next chapter of my life and I'm going to make sure that I leave without regrets in fact, i have already decided what will be on the first page of this new chapter, but of course it's an ideal but ideality may deviate from reality.
i know that i have loved you ... at 6:48 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
As I look back on my previous blog posts. I realized I've always regarded here as a place where I can just let loose and let out my thoughts. Things that I wanna scream out. It's my emotional friend whom I can spill out all my troubles to. Perhaps there're readers like you! But it's okay. I regard this as a personal space. I'm so stressed out! A levels is killing me. I've never worked so hard before. God grant me strength to last through this final lap, this final sprint. And that's not the worse thing. These sorrows are further amplified by another issue! I told myself that I wouldn't fall in love anymore. But sometimes it can't be controlled. In the past, I saw you as a friend, really. But somehow things got complicated for me. I started falling for you. I'm back to the same position I was months back when I told myself NOMORE! But I can't help it. I believe you realized it too. And my mind is running wild. I couldn't sleep for nights. I spent hours turning and turning trying to sleep, but not to any success. I'm stuck at a crossroad, to continue this path of uncertainty or I could try to forget And let go. Everytime when I study, every now and then. Thoughts flood my head. God, why must you always put me through this kind of situations in life? Can't you let things be simple and sweet? God grant me strength, grant me hope, help me make the right decisions, because ultimately, you know what's best. Amen.
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:38 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I am Free!
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:07 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, February 01, 2010
Love
I tried letting it go.. I thought I suceeded, but it's all just a cover, a self telling lie. When I saw you once again, my heart skipped a beat or two. I made a swift escape - which I regretted; I told myself that I was just dreaming. I controlled, I endured. After the long struggle, I have to finally give in. You're still the one, the one I hold close. My mind is filled with jealousy, envy, axiousness. I'm becoming sick - love sick. I don't know what I see in you, is it your eyes? Your smile? I don't think so. If it were so, I could have gotten you out of my mind. No - you've remained deep down here for close to a year already. But the feelings deep down remain evergreen and strong - it all seems like it was just yesterday I fell for you. These words alone can't comprehend what you mean. Perhaps i should draw a picture as a picture speaks a thousand words. Which will still be insufficient. I want to hold you in my arms right now, I really do. I just hope you will appear in my dreams tonight and It doesn't matter if it's a fairytale or a nightmare. As that's the closest you can ever be to me. Unless some miracle takes place - I believe in miracles.
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:27 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, January 10, 2010
2010
First post of the year haha. I haven't been blogging in a while. My holidays were kinda busy. I worked in a ripples storehouse dealing with slippers everyday. That was like 3 weeks, then I went to Malaysia for a week. Yeah, anyway 2009 was a year I would remember, haha. Like this was the first year I got wasted HAHA! Anyway, I enjoyed my year and I hope for the coming year I'll be able to balance between work and fun. Cos it's A's and yeah. The game's just getting started - when I say game I mean A's! Hahaha. Happy new year to all! :)
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:01 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sometimes i just wonder why God gave me such a screwed up life.
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:04 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, November 09, 2009
It has been one month since my last update. Well, blame promos. I dare say i studied harder for promos then my o levels. Guess i will be screwing up physics though. Oh well, let's just hope my school will allow me to promote. I recently finished my Chinese "A" levels and i'm pretty sure i will fail. Did i mention that i didn't know that the last comprehension passage was about mickey mouse? Awesome, my oral presentation is this coming Thursday and the thought of messing it up keeps tormenting me. I'm already speaking either too fast, or moving too much. HAHAHAHAHA. But with a larger audience, i'm pretty sure i will have a tendency to make mistakes. Another horrible thing is that my schools' ending like around end November. Which means i have school on MY birthday. Haven't had that for what, 16 birthdays?
School aside, its coming to the end of the year. My plan failed the last time, or rather, i didn't even give it a shot. It was then 09/09/09. I can't be procrastinating anymore, i have to at least try. The biggest regret in life is not failure, but failing to try. I'm going to venture into this dangerous unfamiliar world deep blue world. Nemo.
School aside, its coming to the end of the year. My plan failed the last time, or rather, i didn't even give it a shot. It was then 09/09/09. I can't be procrastinating anymore, i have to at least try. The biggest regret in life is not failure, but failing to try. I'm going to venture into this dangerous unfamiliar world deep blue world. Nemo.
i know that i have loved you ... at 2:03 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, October 02, 2009
Love is like the wind, you can't see it, but you can feel it.
But what do i feel? Is it the wind? or is it just pure imagination? Hallucinations? I've no idea what makes you so special. But theres this thing about you and God i have no idea what it is. Love or not, you let off an aura, which feels like the wind, which creates an element in me for you, love. Perhaps its all but my wild imagination.
But what do i feel? Is it the wind? or is it just pure imagination? Hallucinations? I've no idea what makes you so special. But theres this thing about you and God i have no idea what it is. Love or not, you let off an aura, which feels like the wind, which creates an element in me for you, love. Perhaps its all but my wild imagination.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:09 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Life sucks, well at least mine. Getting kped everyday without fail, being the scape goat of things that go wrong. How i wished i could just go far far away. Perhaps together with the waters in the ocean, and i could even be with you. Sadly, its all but a fantasy, even being able to swim with you to the depths of the sea. I just have to live with it. This pain, this mediocrity, this stupidity, this misery. With exams coming up, Oh God, what have i ever done to deserve such a life like this. Oh what can i do? The closest thing that is able to change things is you. You're the element of life changing properties. You're one of a kind, unique and special. You are the thing that makes my world go round. All i can ever do is dream.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:23 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities